I’m Living My Dream, But It’s Not What I Thought It Would Be

I feel like I’ve stayed far too long inside of my own butt. It’s time to get out.

For the past few years, I’ve been chasing an old dream of mine. A dream that might’ve sprung up way before I was a teenager.

I wanted to live a life where I did what I wanted. Whether it’s to play video games all day, watch multiple seasons of a Netflix show in one sitting, neglect physical hygiene, not work when I want to, all that – the whole shut-in experience. That was the dream.

I got to live it.

Somehow, I’m managing a business that lets me do just that. It even allowed me to leave my parents’ place and live on my own with just enough resources to live the lifestyle I wanted.

It felt great at first, but just after a few months in, my life already tasted stale.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m still loving it. I think I’m a person that loves independence, even if I might not be the best at taking care of myself. The whole experience of having a space for myself, having a schedule that goes exactly as planned, and being able to simply choose for myself is amazing.

But I think that’s what’s causing me problems.

I’ve been a little too comfortable. And have constantly been avoiding discomfort.

There’s this Japanese proverb I recently learned that goes something like, “The frog in the well knows nothing of the sea.” And that hit me hard as I swam in the four corners of my “well.” There’s an ocean out there to be seen, and unlike the frog, I know of it. But I have been refusing to get out.

I’m scared of the ocean.

I kept ignoring whispers of that idea because this was already supposed to be the dream, right? There’s no need to step out of it.

But dreams can change.

Our dreams can be wrong.

My dream was wrong.

This is the first thing I’ve written in months. I haven’t done anything else. To be honest, I feel a little ashamed to let my emotions out like this, so I will not permit myself to post this until I’ve kept this spark alive for a considerable amount of time. I feel like there’s no point in me trying to inspire people to do things when I haven’t been doing anything.

If you’re reading this now, that means some change has happened, at least. Thank you. If you’re up for it, share this with someone who might need it. Who knows? They might need that wake-up call too.

(Oh, and thanks to this video for giving me that push.)

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