Happy.
I’m happy.
(I’ve been trying to write this for a few minutes now, but I keep re-writing everything. Somehow, I’m finding it hard to quantify/qualify what I mean by “feeling happy”. Maybe, it’s one of those times that I just write what’s in my mind and hope it all makes sense. So I guess I’ll give that a shot. )
Yeah, I’ve been complaining about things.
I’ve been too comfortable.
I’m in a creative rut. A productive rut, even.
But I still appreciate the little things.
I like seeing how dusty my fan got after three months without cleaning it. I like it because no one has to tell me to clean it (hi ma). But I also like cleaning up and love feeling proud that I can clean up after myself.
I love that I have people around me even if I’m living “alone”. A few weeks back, I called my parents over to help me deal with water leaking into the unit I’m in. I guess I’m not a professional “self-caretaker” after all, huh? But I’m pretty sure everyone here knows what “helplessness” feels like, no matter how skilled they are. That’s what family and friends (even strangers) are for!
When it comes to buying things, I love spending time finding a sweet spot between aesthetics and practicality. It’s such a change from my old self that strongly preferred getting the cheapest things available. I like seeing myself (and other people) change like that. I say that, but I also like that I still hate chocolate-flavored soy milk. (Even if I get them at a discount, the taste didn’t improve at all!) I can change, but I’m still the same person somehow.
Speaking of little things, I loved my little war against ants over these few months. They’re gone now (and probably moved into another floor), but they taught (or forced) me to do the dishes way earlier than I wanted. Even if people aren’t there to tell you what to do, other things may assume that role in your life.
I like having to eat the same thing I’ve cooked four times in a row. I’ve had to be creative with sauces and knowing which vegetables I can eat raw on the side. I also like cooking something experimental when I have scraps left. And creating something miserable.
And eating said miserable experiment.
I feel like I’m all over the place with how I wrote this, but I just felt like I should show up and write today. I feel like what I wanted to say is that independence, change, and learning made me (and are making me) happy. I like that I can slow down and think about all that. There’s just something to seeing yourself grow and be happy.
Hope you’re feeling happy, too! Are you? Of course you are. Take some time to think about it.
(also, if you share this post, your happy points go way up booooom)
Levi Tadena 