From being a self-proclaimed productive person, I became an unmotivated and lazy pile of dirt.
I was tired, even if I wasn’t doing anything.
After being immobile for a week because of the flu, I had to return to the reality of unemployment. Before I got sick, I submitted my resignation email. I’ll talk more about why I left my job on another day. What we’re here for is the existential dread that turned me into an organism of uselessness.
Yeah. I know that sounds like negative self-talk. Modern psychology frowns at that (not that I care), but I don’t think there’s anyone who never thought of themselves as a sack of potatoes. All of us have had those thoughts, right?
What am I supposed to do now? Where do I go from here? What am I here for?
I’m pretty sure this is some sort of a quarter-life crisis episode. But it’s probably the same stuff you feel when you finish binge-watching a long Netflix series. For me, instead of a TV show, I’ve just removed myself a decent job!
It feels like after making that first step, the next one is just as difficult.
I made all those confident statements, but backing them up seemed to be such a drag. It’s so nice just to wake up late every day, lay in bed, and get involved in other people’s businesses on the internet without touching my own.
Sinking in a fake, fast-drying sea of fun, I started to think of wanting to go back to mediocre me.
Sadly, I tried to. I broke the good habits I developed for months. I woke up two hours later than usual and slept three hours later than I should have. I used to make an effort to produce money both in the morning and afternoon (sometimes even at night) but then became satisfied with only three hours of work each day. I’d even intentionally distract myself from exerting significant effort.
But then it hit me. Mediocre me is a piece of trash. I hope that hits you too if you’re living the same kind of life.
Living is supposed to be a drag. This sounds cringeworthy to me, but people call it a grind because it is a grind. If you look at literal grinders like angle grinders, meat grinders, and even your molars (that grind food), they do a lot of heavy work.
Our lives are meant to be hard. Why else do you think people try to make life easier? We’re beings cursed to sweat and bear children in pain. Whether you adhere to that reference or not, you can’t deny that life is not easy. Not always easy, at least, but difficult nonetheless.
Somehow, the reality of the harshness of life managed to put me back on track. I’m happy that change doesn’t happen overnight. I wouldn’t be able to say that I endured if that were the case.
This was a pep talk I made to myself. One of the reasons I like to write is because it sometimes lets me see what’s wrong with me. I can’t even remember why I began writing this, but as it turns out, it’s just me being lazy.
If any of you want to build better habits with me, like rebuilding a ruined sleeping pattern, send me a message and let’s talk about it! Accountability partners make it more interesting.